For four years I’ve had this analogy of grief…. it’s swimming.  Christmas and New Year’s (really any Holiday) bring this analogy to surface.  From September of 2007 to August of 2009, my daughter, mother and grandmother died.  Intially these Holidays were quite ‘drowning’, and occasionally you were able to come up for a big gasp of air.  Shit, sometimes it felt like ankle weights held you at the bottom of a river.  With 2011 Christmas around the corner, I honestly feel like I’m ‘swimming’.  Looking back…. not sure how this hard head stayed above water when it seemed as my generations of girls was gone.  It’s the Trust in His promises, surely.

Believes I’m swimmng because my Holidays are filled with some pretty amazing memories.  Focused on making new amazing memories. Christmas was a huge deal for my parents, who knew how to throw a party.  The Kerek’s house was the ‘place to be’ on Christmas Eve.  My mom always overboard on the food and baking.  My dad always overboard with the bar and gifts.  Both always overboard on the music and dancing.  Maw Ruby dragging us all to Mass, and actually seeing Paw paw William attend Mass : )

The moments are too many to list; the Christmas Eve in my childhood Debate subdivision house where we literally could not move in that tiny living room because of the pool table.  The Christmas morning waking to two 3 wheelers cranked up and running in the hall of our Ruby Rd big house.  The Eve daddy decided to light the fireplace which was filled with bees, which swarmed the house.  The morning my kids woke to his custom made (oh my) welded ‘Swingtastic 5000’.  The very first Christmas with a baby, Brock. The first Christmas with all three kids. That last Christmas with all three kids…. sigh.

This year’s shopping has not begun, so this mom will be accomplishing tons in a short time. Still waiting on a ‘wish list’ from Brock and Luke, but certainly love the surprise of something unexpected under the tree.  Brock is so happy to have his drivers permit and truck, nothing else matters.  Luke wants everything that’s anything. Dru was such the late sleeper of the bunch, but of course was the first one up each Christmas morning, waking the house! Looking forward to waking them this year and hanging out in our pajamas until lunch.  The small moments and conversations with the boys are more important than anything found under that tree.  Thinking I should get my tree up too! Undecided if we will go with the purple ornament’s in Dru’s memory, or traditional. Thinking traditional : )

Randoms; Missing buying for three. 2012 Career goal pumped!. Ready to get this body fit and tone, thru running and tennis. Hopes everyone has a Christmas to include ‘swimming’.